Chat with us, powered by LiveChat

as the coronavirus would say let’s start with China ever since covered 19 emerge from Wuhan suspicions about its origins have been rampant and today the US Department of Homeland Security leaked a report that when the outbreak started the Chinese government hid the severity of the problem in order

to hoard medical supplies before other countries could stock up and I should have known that China was up to no good because my fortune cookie tried to warn me those messages man they were so vague yeah I just watched little fires everywhere basically you know what China’s being

accused of is doing that thing that your shitty friend does where they call you from a party like hey don’t bother coming to this party no one’s here and then later on you see a selfie where they posted themselves sitting at a table with Rihanna and the cost

of stranger things and you’re like what the hell oh it just happened and I forgot to call you there was nobody then there was everybody I wish you were there in other news one of the biggest winners of the corona virus pandemic has been Amazon the world’s largest

online retailer and the only store where you can get baby food and a dildo in the same order but while Jeff Bezos his net worth has gone up billions the people on the ground in his company are having a terrible time with infection spreading through Amazon warehouses faster

than pram delivery employees are demanding more protective equipments and sanitizer as well as hazard pay and paid sick leave which seems fair and now one prominent Amazon vice-president has quit in disgust saying that the company has created a climate of fear by firing protesting workers instead of addressing

their concerns a move that he described as quote chickenshit and I’m not gonna lie this guy definitely has balls because most of us wouldn’t dare call Amazon chicken shits I mean they’ve got your home address and can leak to your entire shopping history so I would never mess

with them because then everyone would know that I bought a dildo and baby food which is so embarrassing because I don’t have a baby I just like the texture but props to this guy for calling Amazon chicken shit which is a great insult and something you can also

buy on Amazon they really do sell everything moving on if you’ve been getting bored with coronavirus and you wish there was anything else going on to think about well be careful what you wish for killer Hornets invading the US and Canada Asian giant Hornets also known as murder

Hornets spotted in Washington State and they prey on honey bees that pollinate much of our food these Hornets grow up to 2 inches long roughly five times the size of a bee and in Japan where they originate they reportedly kill up to 50 people each year they’re giant

stingers capable of piercing a beekeeper suit the mandibles there we go you can sort of see them are pretty large they’re very very sharp I mean that’s what they use to decapitate bees and then they’ll mash up the thorax into a into a meatball they call it and

fly it back to feed to their larvae what [Music] hornets I want to go back to the days when the craziest animal thing was keyboard cat how did he do that by the way because it was playing and it was actually pretty good because right now 2020 Mother

Nature is out of control a killer virus is one thing but murder Hornets sounds like someone is just combining the scariest words I mean what’s next nunchuck moves okay I was picturing more like wolves over holding nunchucks but I mean I guess that would be weird too honestly

these murder Hornets just sound like psychos they cut off the heads of bees and they mash up the thorax into a meatball and fly it back to feed their larva I thought only really Giuliani fed his family that way and if you ask me these Hornets are just

being unnecessarily petty this is going around decapitating bees how about some unity huh bee best get it bee it’s day 49 Kasim I’m struggling and finally over the past few weeks rumors have been swirling over the health of Kim jong-un North Korean dictator and disgraced former member of

the Teletubbies well now after tons of speculation about whether he was dead or sick or in a medically-induced food coma the Dear Leader has reemerged foot today’s the world wondered where is Kim jong-eun challenge now North Korea’s state media airing footage appearing to show the country’s mysterious leader

visiting a newly completed fertilizer plant joined by his trusted sister kim yujeong president Trump appears to have confirmed that Kim jong-un is indeed alive and well the president’s waiting I for one am glad to see he is back and well yeah of course Trump is happy kim jong

hoon is back thank God I’m no longer definitely the worst person on earth now it’s debatable again by the way if you ever have to use the phrase I for one it means you’re about to suggest some messed up shit it’s never something good it’s always something like

well I for one think we should leave the dead prostitute in the trunk and go to the casino as we planned but yeah according to North Korean media Kim Jong hoon is alive and well and didn’t have any type of surgery and personally I don’t know why I

wouldn’t believe them he looks like the same old Kim to me now I know that some people are saying that North Korea could have aired old footage of him but the truth is with North Korea there’s no way to tell that country’s 30 years behind the rest of

the world Kim jong-un could come out like if I weren’t alive right now how could I be holding this brand-new VHS of Terminator 2 huh so it looks like that’s the end of the Kim jong-un death speculation for now and I’ll be honest I almost feel bad for

the guy imagine your health was so bad that every time you stayed in the house to chill people were like huh he did



Leave a comment